Life, oh, life, WHERE art thou???

Sometimes, I wonder....

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

WHY AREN'T I DOING THAT? 

WHY CAN'T I LIE DOWN AND... AND PRETEND THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON???! 

And then I feel depressed. I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. Until I sat for this month's exam. During Physics, I felt like I hated it. But, well I thought: "Oh, well. Life's like that. I need to work harder. Admittedly I hardly studied physics." 

And then, today, I sat for my Add Math paper, thinking that it would be well... not easy, but not very hard either. After all, it's just quadratic and linear equations, no functions and odd processes and all that. 

How was I to know it would be mind-twistingly difficult? And it pains me to say that some people called it 'a piece of cake' It really PAINS me! Call it pride, arrogance, whatever, but I have always disliked being inferior, especially academic-wise. Maybe you might call it 'chinese-mentality'. 

Half way through the ****** paper, I wanted to just lie down and give up. My brain was throbbing the questions were easy enough to understand. But the ANSWERS... they were eluding me! They hated me! I would not have minded if after a lot of thinking and experimenting, I completed the question. But I didn't. I did the questions HALFWAY through, and couldn't go further. 

WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY AM I LEARNING ADD MATH???? WHY? WHAT USE WOULD IT BE TO ME? 

But I realized now. I was learning it because I couldn't give up just like that. I am going to gut this add math subject and lay it out in strips so I can understand the ****** thing even if it's just to repair my pride.

The Day that was So-so

This day started with removing the fat from a dozen chickens. =.=" Absolutely disgusting.
It was awful, feeling all that fat on your fingers and having to wash it off was just as bad. Maybe I shall rethink that decision of mine to learn how to cook.

And then, I had torture section with my idiot bro. Teaching him is like trying to grind a rock into dust with a puny stick. His hard head is stuck at ten years old. I still feel like whacking him. *mad gleaming demon eyes* And finally... he went to school with my other idiot brother and there was peace and quiet in the house. Ahhhh.... *relief*

And then we (mum and I) went out scouting for bargains. Haven't done that in a long time. My legs still ache. T_______T... I am so unhealthy after PMR... not that I was very healthy before it either. hahahaha. That's all.

And also, everyone's in Genting... T________T

PMR, ABOLISHED??? WHAT???

This morning, I had the leisure to open the newspaper and reading something other than my reference books and workbooks, something that hasn't happened for a week. And, what do you know? These words meet my eyes...

No More PMR

I was like: WHAT???????? 

Seriously, the government has being sitting on the notion since the beginning of time, and they decide to abolish it the year I SIT FOR IT??? Sure PMR will only go in 6 years, but the horrible fact that it has been the abolished the year I sit for it still bugs me! ARGH!!!! 

And I don't really understand why it's going to take so long to abolish it... like, how long do you wanna wait while six years of students have to sit through an exam that has already been deemed unimportant by the government themselves? Geez.... 

To be sure praise should be given to the PM for his decision (albeit late :mad:) to take action after years of hamming and hawing. Hmmm... At least the country is improving little by little...

Anywayzzz, I gotta run. Till the end of PMR! *random flying kiss to random person who dodges*

Perasaan yang terlalu tegang...

The title was a mistake... I couldn't put the words into English! It's a side effect of studying Malay non-stop for two weeks straight... T.T... another side effect is I forgot a lot of my other subjects... but WHO CARES??? They are all over now. Next week KH and Math will be a breeze~ now... three straight days of NOTHING but Chinese, and I can once more embrace the world of English... ARGH!!! HAO QI DAI LIE !!!!!

The Musical Moron

The Title means this. I am NOT musical. It is just that when it comes to music, I am a MORON. When I look at those chords and notes that look like tadpoles and mosquito larvae, I feel sick. I feel like I did when mathematics was a headache inducing subject. That is why, I don't know piano, guitar or anything to do with music. But I LIKE music, don't get me wrong. I LIKE to LISTEN to music. I just don't like LOOKING at it, because it makes me feel ILL. There is something about those closely drawn lines and tiny dots and dashes and symbols that just BLOWS my mind. In a BAD way. I can't even sing. So that is the end about my title, moving on... (I sound like I did when I was in debate.)

When I got into drama, I didn't think that we would be doing a musical. I thought we would be ACTING, not DANCING and SINGING. Not that I can act very well, but my singing and dancing are way WORSE, like 10000000000000000000... times worse than my acting. So that's it about drama. Moving on...

Now we come to PMR. PMR, allow me to have the liberty to tell you, is only 63 days away, counting today. Have you studied? I have not. Not to my satisfaction, at any rate. I still don't know a thing, and I want to get straight As. HA! Like dreaming like that. I just wanna relief some stress, so I shall insult myself. HA! You think you're so smart you can score when you never study ah? In your dreams! When the results come back ah, you will celebrate the worst Christmas you ever celebrated in your life. Let me insult you subject by subject.

1.  Mathematics: You think you're so good at it? Get 85 happy already? A mah? Well you idiot, if you don't get 95, you are useless! Buck up! do something to improve! there was once when you considered 90 bad, and now you think 85 is alright? Shame!
2. Sejarah: There was a time when you was always getting 90. And now? 80 pun tak dapat! what are you trying to do?
3. Geografi: Geografi so simple you also can't score 90???? Where have you brains gone, dude? Average only 80???? 
4. KH: Your KH can NEVER score more then 78! always jumping from A to B. It's not good to be in such a precarious position! KH boring is it? Well if you wanna get straight As you better start to LOVE it!
5. Science: Science you used to be able to not study and get 90! now, you study and get 85 only? What are you playing at? When teacher teaching you are asleep! Important to keep awake, tahu? When since did you become so stupid? 
6. Malay: Malay get C! WALAU! If got a C for Malay, you tengok government give you scholarship or no? You better learn up the grammar and vocab FAST!
7. Chinese: When I think of it, I want to vomit. Even writing essay also got problem! When writing essay usually should write very fast and smooth, but now? Now all what you do is write than pause, wrtie than pause. What ARE YOU PLAYING AT????
8. English: You are the only thing that I have no complains about. If I don't get A for you, I won't get A for anything... 

I FEEL SO DEPRESSED AND STRESSED AND EMO!!!!

After Carnival Day...

cFirst things first. MY FEET HURT LIKE HELL!!!!! I haven't sat down for more than ten minutes since 8 all the way to 3. Here's the run down of my day.

1. 6:45- Appear in school and try not to look too free.
2. 7:30- In the Pusat Sumber receiving the hundredth briefing from Goh Jin Han. All of us in promosi are seriously put of by what he has to say.
3. 7:50- rush down to padang, scared that Pn. Lee will scold me. But it turns out I was pretty early... Malaysians... 
4. 8:00- After trying to help Jia Hui find her class, I go to 5E2 for the fortune telling class. Believe it or not, their business was actually quite good! In fact, they even had a waiting list. 
5. 9:00- WTH, the person that is supposed to take over duty DIDN'T come. And poor Haris had to skip his * to watch the PS2!!! So sorry, Haris!!!!
6. 10:00- FREE! I walked around with a teddy bear and saw Pamela and Camilla Tee!!! WAH! So happy leh! REALLY missed them! 
7. 10:30- I am outside the ghost house waiting. 
8. 11:15- STILL waiting! I give up. 11:30 had to go duty. WHATLARH! I want to PLAY leh!
9. 11:30- We love you so much Ching Man! 
10. 11:45- Zhi Xin, Ching Man, and I walk around selling drinks. Partly the cause of my poor aching feet.
11. 1:15- Change shift. Congrats, Goh Jin Han. I really pei fu you. 
12. 1:30- I take a sit in 5E1 throwing darts and imagining someone's face there. Mmmhmmmm...
13. 2:30- tired and out of temper. But Aun Chian, Bryan Lim and Yeoh Song Lin are not. I tag along holding the PPS store sign while they sing loudly:" Burger, burger, burger!!!" over and over. I am still not sure how I feel about it. To be sure, it succeeded beyond expectation...
14. 3:00- I am going back~~~~ and my IDIOTIC brother decides to DISAPPEAR!!!!! I HATE HIM!!!!
15. 3:30- I have finally found that IDIOTIC boy!!!!
16. 4:00- back home writing this and not caring for Germany. I can't believe myself...

Before the Carnival

SMK Taman Connaught is holding a Carnival! WEEEEE~~~~ (Right, that does not sound like me. It sounds like Camillia)

Am I excited? Yeah, OKlah... (that sounds more like me... actually, it should be: no, no feeling leh) But I am just a little excited and beginning to feel stressed out. I don't think I should have gone for promotion. I won't tell here, 'cause it might ruin my life, 'cause it might be one of the most embarrassing thing I might ever do in my life. (Of course, I might not do it... see firstlah) Well, first, I would like to complain about my schedule.

1. 6:45- reach school, begin preparation for PPS.
2. 7:45- Find Puan Lee in the padang.
3. 8:00- the carnival starts, and I am stuck in 5E2 supervising 5S2 tearing their coupons. I wander if they will get any customers at all. They are doing fortune telling, I think. What are they going to do? Imagine the scene... Some guy stands at the door way, he's wearing a rubbish sack on his head as a hood and a rubbish sack on his body so he looks like Trashy Potter. Then the customer comes. "Welcome." He pays don't know how much and meets a woman in huge, colorful clothes. "Good morning, young man. I see a black aura surrounding you today." There is a pregnant pause. Then she shrieks very loudly. "AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! The GRIM!!! You are going to die in at the stroke of 11:59!!!" There's one reaction they will get: *swt*
4. 9:00- I walk to the class next door, 5E1 for class duty. I have to look after the PS2. And the irony is I don't know how to use one! I never even touched one in my life! Hahaahaaa! I hope Anita can teach me fast enough. LOL! I'll enjoy it. 
5. 10:00- I am FINALLY free! One and a half hours of FREE time! What shall I do? First of all, I shall go to the St John maze. Then, I might go for the ghost house if I hear it's anything good, then I will walk the car park where all the food is =D and then I will take a look at the dunking machine, and maybe I will have a go at it. Anyway, food is the priority for me tomorrow.
6. 11:30- END of freedom until 3:00. PPS duty. Don't ask. I will tell you nothing. It's too much, it's the reason I'm stressed out today.

Anyway, I am now agonizing over how on earth to cut two cabbages and two cucumbers... I will probably take an hour or two...

The Whirlwind that is MINE...

Hey~~~ I'm feelin' high. Like my title? I like it too. I haven't read an English book for sometime... I must have read like, only three English books  this year? Let me list them: I read two books from Warriors: The Power of Three, and a romantic, slice-of-life novel What She Wants. Hold on, hold on, I'm still Jasmine here. Aliens haven't abducted me yet. Recently I've read quite a few romances, all of them chinese, 'cause they are quite simple and use very elaborate phrases to describe their... 'romantic scenery' in which the protagonist and her lover meet and fall in love blahblah... To be sure the stories are all nonsense, but I kind of enjoy them 'cause they are funny and light hearted, and I can forget about PMR... It's ironic because I am reading them FOR PMR. What am I crapping? I didn't want to write about that,  but I've forgotten what I was planning to write.

Anyways, I have been down with the flu for... three, four days? And yesterday was the worst I had a headache from the moment I woke up to the moment I put my head on the pillow, around six or seven. No, I didn't eat dinner. LOL, in school I kept complaining about my head throbbing to Shepard and Zhi Xin and they were all trying their best NOT to give me what I wanted, sympathy. And then I thought I had fever 'cause I felt so hot, but my palms were sweating like mad and my face was full of sweat too but I felt so dry. But then Shepard told me that I wasn't hot but COLD! Hehe, but how can that be possible when I felt so hot and feverish? I want to try and touch someone who claims that he/she feels hot but is actually really cold! I'm not sure whether you readers are getting me, 'cause I sure feel rather confused. I have a feeling that this is going to be a really long post. If you haven't given up reading, good for you, sure get A++++ for patience.

And there is the school Carnivel! I am helping in the promotion for PPS. Actually, I was only helping because I thought I might have nothing to do, since our class was doing nothing (besides talking about selling live ayam) and Shepard's friends were coming and Yi Ling's friends were coming and Zhi Xin was helping in both PPS and scout and Ngai was helping in PPS and Jia Hui was also helping elsewhere and Anita, Tiffany and Jensine were probably helping CF, so I was like, what am I going to do, and I went to help out the PPS. How was I to know that our class was going to do anything???  And the PPS are going to show three movies in the PPM, Inception, Om Bak 2 and Predators. I REALLY want to watch Inception, so I hope they put Inception as the first movie, 'cause I can't watch if it's from 11:30- 3:00, because I am on duty, and I don't know WHY I agreed to duty for so long??? Zhen shi bai lei...

Is there anything more to write about? So much has happened this week, and I can't quite remember what I was planning to write about in the beginning. my memory is getting worse and worse by the day, because it is being used more and more and I am worried that it is reaching it's limit. I wish there was a USB slot to download info into my head so I wouldn't have to remember all those useless facts that I will clean forget once I go up to form 4.

Yes, I remember something. If my friend is reading this right now, I hope she knows that it is she I am writing this to. Finding it hard to speak face to face, i resort to the underhand method of writing, but this is a modern way, writing on a blog, hehe... anyway, I don't advice this friend to forget, because it is impossible to forget. I ask her instead to treasure the happiness and learn from the sadness, and look to the future. Life is not easy, but we can still enjoy it, if we learn not to cling to the past and learn to look forward to what the future holds. No matter how much bitterness the past may hold, the future still holds sweetness, and pray it will last to the end...

I am still the same Jasmine, man. Do not expect me to go around spouting that sort of cheesy stuff in ordinary circumstances. I just wanted to get that of my chest because I really love my friends, all of them. I did not write that, some one else hacked into my blog.

Signing of, missing Facebook and starting to regret, CLQJasmine. (But for Germany I shall remain in my pitiful state until after PMR!!!)

The following is the story of my week in pictures, because I have trouble finding words to describe how I have felt =)

 

Some of them I put 'coz I like how they look, but some really made me think, yeah, I really felt like that...

A Run Down of the First Half of the Year.

The first half of the year has come and gone. It feels like it was only just yesterday that I was looking at the calender and going "Cheah, PMR so far away, later then study lah." T^T I regret saying that. Now, time is precious, there is a limited supply of it. I am starting to feel all worked up on how I've wasted all that time. I really must practice some self control and discipline (LOTS of it) and start trying to make time. It is possible, though it makes you real sleepy. This holidays is the last chance I have to study properly for my exams and I really have to be serious if I want to get straight A's. It is unfortunate that we have to study language. Sometimes I wander why God had to make things so difficult for us. Why didn't he give us a single universal language? Life would be so much easier than.

It hasn't been such good first half of the year, i will list these down in no order, just with numbers so it's easier to jot them down.

1. Manchester United LOST to the EPL to Chelsea by ONE point. (CAN YOU BEAT THOSE BLUE CLOWNS????)
2. For the first time ever, I got a B for Sejarah... It felt like i had failed...
3. Megan Fox OUT of Transformers... NOOOOOOOO.....
4. It just wasn't so peaceful in the house this year.
5. I MISSED SO MANY GREAT MOVIES!!!!!! But I've forgotten some of them already... I wanted to watch Ironman 2, Shrek Forever, Prince of Persia, so many I've forgotten them...
6. I wish I didn't suddenly have feel stressed out of the blue for no reason other than exams.
7. I really wish we didn't have so many problems.

But there are things to be happy about too.

1. I got such GREAT friends... I can't list them out 'cause I might forget to list one of them and it might cause a misunderstanding. You can't blame me. I don't have much memory left in my tiny brain, it's full of PMR facts and i have to leave some space for even more facts. Perhaps it's time to purchase another 10 GB pendrive?
2. I get to watch KYO KARA MAOH!!! GREAT comedy, GREAT story and GREAT guys =)
3. Konrad's looks + [(Gwyndel's + Wolfram's) AWESOME personalities] = MY PERFECT GUY =D
4. Thank goodness debate is over and out... 

For the year before us, there are things to hope for =)

1. WORLD CUP!!!! GERMANY GOGOGOGOGOGO GOOOOOOOOAAAAAALLLLLLL!!!!!!
2. After PMR ...T^T but first, PMR....
3. My FRIENDS
4. KYO KARA MAOH!!!!!
5. A happier time? Less problems?
6. Studying... BE ENTHUSIASTIC, MAN!!!!
7. I'm a MAN =D
8. ? If I could predict everything, Life would be BORING.

Anyway, that's all for now. Wish me Good Luck. Wish YOU Good Luck, Wish Us all Good Luck, Don't we all need it? God Bless You All, have a BRILLIANT, FASCINATING, MARVELOUS second half of 2010.

I t Isn't Over.

I hear that exams are OVER. In a sense, it is. But in a sense, it is JUST the beginning... PMR is in 4 months and I have studied next to nothing. I feel impending doom in a detached sort of way. Like, oh yeah PMR in four months. Calculate days, hours, minutes, seconds. hey, man. The numbers are huge, I got lots of time, yeah? Think about it. GEOGRAPHY SEJARAH form 1 form 2 form 3. MATHEMATICS KH SCIENCE THREE YEARS OF INFO to be stuffed into ur head in FOUR MONTHS. And LANGUAGE. DARN THOSE HORRIBLE SUBJECTS. And the sad thing is, I MUST GET STRAIGHT As!!!!!!

No TIME!!!

TIME: Tremendously Important ME!!!! That means that i define time as sections of the day when i do things for ME, MYSELF and I. Recently, i have been having less and less TIME!!!!!!  It's not good for my mental health, a selfish person like me. Haiz, PMR, debate, tuition, score A, exams, school, church, piling up on my schedule. I've gotta find a way to make some TIME or i'll go CRAZY!!!!

Awwww.... DARN IT!!!!

  Oh, yeh! Back to SCore A after 2 weeks of missing it! Darn this keyboard., It has no *click* to it. Anyway, i am once again sitting here and trying to do science. And i juz remembered  that i have forgotten to record my marks #@$@%$^!!!!!c

My feelings today...

Haiz.... haiz... haiz... HAIZ......... !!!!!!!!!!!!

Awww... man....

Haiz...I wish i were like this cat, just sit there like so emo and probably have nothing to be emo about. Anyways, here's the run down of my day. I come to school and discover the canteen looking like mcdonalds... Well, i love mcdonalds, but it just doesnt suit the school... then i sit true a particularly long perhimpunan, which was particularly boring, which finally ended with us going up to the pusat sumber for debate. Now, debate brought all sorts of things to be emo about, namely that we are oh, so unprepared for millions of things and all sorts of other crap. I love to eat sweet stuff, yes, that is true... but i do need a shield too. Don't you brainwash me my stripping me of my rights!!!

Debate!! ARRGH!!!

LOL. It's 2:14 and I'm STILL sitting here... *sob* wat am i going to do?!

YO, I'm sitting down wasting time without a line i can reach. No facebook- they BLOCKED it!!! Oh, yeah, and my "session has expired" watever that means... So i'm thinking, wat else can i do? I'll just have to recover my old blog (this) and atart of where i left. Even if i only have one follower- myself. Pathetic, but it's not like i'm online all the time. Maybe i'll spend my time adding followers. Do u add them?
O yeah, and i just paid 15 bucks for 4 useless photos. ARGH! Such a waste of money! Money! I sort of worship it. I need it, duh! They say the love of money is the root of all evil. Let me correct this. It's the LACK of money that's the root of all evil!

I Feel Like Doing What's Happening In This Picture.

I have been trying to upload some stupid photos for a useless project to a friend. But the photos AREN'T uploading!!!!!!! You can't imagine how frustrated I feel!!!!

Hectic Sivik Projek =_=

I feel like KILLING !!!!! What the **** do they wan me to do?! i hate projeks and this sivik projek is gonna drive me insane or something!!!!

Trying to Wake Up

This picture reflects how i'm feeling right know. I'm feeling so tired, yet i gotta wake up. Why? Somebody throw water on me? In a way, yes. Only the water was thrown before i went to sleep. As i lay in bed, i realised that since Friday is a holiday, i had to pass my e-comic entry in TODAY. Boy, i nearly jumped out of my skin. The 'water' was so cold!!! And it kept me wet all night, and woke me up in the morning so i could 'dry' myself. And there's a pps meeting today, i don know what it's about, and i'm not excited, to put it politely. I hope to goodness it's short and to the point.