Life, oh, life, WHERE art thou???

Sometimes, I wonder....

WHY AM I DOING THIS?

WHY AREN'T I DOING THAT? 

WHY CAN'T I LIE DOWN AND... AND PRETEND THERE'S NOTHING GOING ON???! 

And then I feel depressed. I haven't felt this way in a long, long time. Until I sat for this month's exam. During Physics, I felt like I hated it. But, well I thought: "Oh, well. Life's like that. I need to work harder. Admittedly I hardly studied physics." 

And then, today, I sat for my Add Math paper, thinking that it would be well... not easy, but not very hard either. After all, it's just quadratic and linear equations, no functions and odd processes and all that. 

How was I to know it would be mind-twistingly difficult? And it pains me to say that some people called it 'a piece of cake' It really PAINS me! Call it pride, arrogance, whatever, but I have always disliked being inferior, especially academic-wise. Maybe you might call it 'chinese-mentality'. 

Half way through the ****** paper, I wanted to just lie down and give up. My brain was throbbing the questions were easy enough to understand. But the ANSWERS... they were eluding me! They hated me! I would not have minded if after a lot of thinking and experimenting, I completed the question. But I didn't. I did the questions HALFWAY through, and couldn't go further. 

WHY AM I DOING THIS? WHY AM I LEARNING ADD MATH???? WHY? WHAT USE WOULD IT BE TO ME? 

But I realized now. I was learning it because I couldn't give up just like that. I am going to gut this add math subject and lay it out in strips so I can understand the ****** thing even if it's just to repair my pride.