One half of the Vacation

Okay, this year, the year 2010, for the first time in years, we have gone on holiday :D the whole family~ and it wasn't cut short and it was mostly peaceful... not many photos... we are a weird family. When we go on holiday, we hardly take photos, and when we are not on holiday, we don't take any at all... Even though it didn't really go the way it was initially supposed to go...

In the beginning we were going to Taman Negara in Pahang. Then we changed our mind... actually, I think I might have had a big hand in this change. I didn't want to go Taman Negara, 'cause there had be lots of mud and you had get sweaty and dirty, and wet D: D-I-S-G-U-S-T-I-N-G. So we were going to Ipoh to have a look at the limestone caves there. Right. We were goin', and then we were goin', and then the night of the PPS farewell dinner, my mum got a phone call that rearranged half our schedule.

My grandfather on my mum's side died. He was kinda old, yeah. 78 years old. He had suffered a major stroke about 10 years ago. And two more minor ones, and I think a heart attack as well. Mum said the main cause of his death was old age. Anyway, we had to pack off to Singapore then to attend the funeral. It was a Buddhist funeral. There was lots of chanting and bells and a weird instrument that made a sound like the clicking of the tongue, as well as a tiny little drum. There were some rituals... on the 25th of December, yes, Christmas day, granddad was cremated. We kinda forgot it was Christmas day. I didn't feel like it at all. It started raining right after most of the funeral stuff was done, and only when we switched on the TV did we happen to remember it was Christmas, because it was showing a Christmas show. I think it was Alvin and the Chipmunks. Then we had a small scale Christmas dinner with chicken as the make-shift turkey and a bit of chocolate. We couldn't do much because we had to respect our granddad's memory. I guess we were okay with it since we hardly celebrated Christmas, anyway.

So now that granddad's passed away too, I don't have anymore grandparents on wither side of the family. I never knew any of my grandparents very well. I wasn't born when my dad's parents died. On my mother's side, there was a language as well as a distance gap. My grandma died last year. I guess I'm pretty fine with that, meaning no disrespect to my grandparents. What's past is past. What's gone is gone. They were good people who raised my mum and dad and without whom I would never be here. So that's the one half of my 'vacation'...

Saying Goodbye

I have said 'Goodbye' so many times, each time we part, we say a simple 'Goodbye, Farewell, Bye, See you..." That time during graduation from Primary School, I told my friends: "Good bye..." There were no tears... but I felt so sad in my heart. I felt that I had wasted what precious time I had to spend just a little time with them, enjoying our friendship--- I have relatives in all parts of the world--- the few that live in Malaysia are constantly traveling--- every time they visit, we say 'Hi' and then we say 'Bye'. I hardly feel sadness or longing when the time to part comes... I have not enjoyed their friendship for long, just a period of courteous conversation over a course of a few days, over a few meals. Rarely is it that one has to say 'good bye', to a friend you have known for so long- that you can't remember when you actually met- She was a childhood friend, and a good one. We have grown up together, influenced each other, shared laughter, shared tears (I think this is an exaggeration xD)... Never once did it cross my mind, that we would one day have to separate... But one day she said: "... I am shifting..." At first, it didn't register... let me admit, I took our friendship for granted. I thought she had always be there--- with her annoying hyperactivity and all x) It's true, haha~ We didn't meet much after Sunday School stopped, mostly kept in touch through FB, MSN and Pastor Lily's trips xD But now, we are saying 'Bye bye" We'll see each other sometimes, perhaps, during the holidays, and rare trips, but it just won't be the same... Oh, well... there will come a time when we will be able to see each other again, life goes on. That's that. So, this isn't 'goodbye', CAMILIA! It's 'SEE YOU LATER!!!!"  Hoho, you ain't getting away from me so easily... *evil smile* 

I found the pic with Google :) Do you see the cross? It's called Galaxy M51 by us, but what God calls it... that's a mystery~

This post is dedicated to Camilia, my best friend, childhood buddy, and the only one I've ever listened seriously to about God X)

...

I stood before the great lake, and looked into it's clear depths. The waters was so deep that I couldn't see the bottom. I looked up, and saw the stretch of infinite blue sky. I couldn't help but wander what was hidden behind and above those billowing snow white clouds. The universe is such great expanse, when I try to imagine the size of the infinite universe, my mind tries to shut down, to stop trying to analyze the impossible. The horrors of the universe actually being finite is also incomprehensible. I cannot fathom the limits of life. What then is outside the limits if the universe is indeed finite? What lies at the outer layer of this dark expanse that holds us? Another universe? Heaven? What then is outside if there is a limit to this sequence? Will it go on forever?

From the mysteries of the world comes questions. From these questions come answers. And from answers come more questions. And there is the ultimate question: Are these questions and answers a circle which will eventually meet in a revelation, or are they endless lines that occasionally meet?

The Jigsaw

I used to like jigsaw puzzles when I was younger. I could seat and play with tiny pieces of a picture for hours. I used also to like chain stories and played it with myself for hours. It seems my love for these two things gradually got lost in time... ... I wish they would come back, because I am sure they would do me big help when I study. Patience and determination and creativity were required for these two games, and I seem to have lost these attributes over the course of my 15 years of life....

Never Mean't, Never Wanted to Hurt Anyone

This post comes at random. Perhaps I am feeling a little of color today. I have recently been having the oddest thoughts, and dreaming the weirdest dreams, that I can never remember when I wake up. I wish I could just lie down and do nothing, think nothing, and feel nothing.Like some sort of robot, or doll. No, I am not planning on dying anytime soon. Put that idiotic thought right out of your mind. I learned long ago that life is very precious and you've gotta live it to the fullest. It's just one of those times when you feel rather depressed. Perhaps I lack Niacin (Vitamin B3). Perhaps I should take a good dose of it. But I don't think I need it. No. Anyway, I just want to retract the past year. Things have changed. A lot of things. I think I might have changed a lot myself. Perhaps it's for the worst. Am I really cold? Am I scary? Do I seem difficult to approach? Am I unsmiling? Do I seem arrogant? Am I arrogant? Or is it everyone else that's got it all wrong about me? Worst of all, have I become a little emotionless? Heh, people, please forget what you read. You probably don't understand. To be truthful, I think I have always been rather cold, if I do say so myself, to strangers, at least.

Like Walking on the Edge of a Cliff

Anytime you'll fall. Today I'm feeling very emo. I want to lock myself in a airtight box and throw away the key. Sometimes things happen, and once it starts, it never stops sliding down
                                                                                                         down
                                                                                                               down
                                                                                                                     down
                                                                                                                            down

you can see that

something

is at the end of it

All.

But you can't make out 

what it is. Don't you feel

the fear? Do you want

to know? I have a feeling 

the out come is not 

good. But who knows?

In times like this, there 

has always been hope

that we grasped at the 

very climax.

                                                                                                              

Did I ever tell you that unlike others, my favorite season is Autumn? Did I ever tell you why I prefer it to Winter? 

The Whirlwind that is MINE...

Hey~~~ I'm feelin' high. Like my title? I like it too. I haven't read an English book for sometime... I must have read like, only three English books  this year? Let me list them: I read two books from Warriors: The Power of Three, and a romantic, slice-of-life novel What She Wants. Hold on, hold on, I'm still Jasmine here. Aliens haven't abducted me yet. Recently I've read quite a few romances, all of them chinese, 'cause they are quite simple and use very elaborate phrases to describe their... 'romantic scenery' in which the protagonist and her lover meet and fall in love blahblah... To be sure the stories are all nonsense, but I kind of enjoy them 'cause they are funny and light hearted, and I can forget about PMR... It's ironic because I am reading them FOR PMR. What am I crapping? I didn't want to write about that,  but I've forgotten what I was planning to write.

Anyways, I have been down with the flu for... three, four days? And yesterday was the worst I had a headache from the moment I woke up to the moment I put my head on the pillow, around six or seven. No, I didn't eat dinner. LOL, in school I kept complaining about my head throbbing to Shepard and Zhi Xin and they were all trying their best NOT to give me what I wanted, sympathy. And then I thought I had fever 'cause I felt so hot, but my palms were sweating like mad and my face was full of sweat too but I felt so dry. But then Shepard told me that I wasn't hot but COLD! Hehe, but how can that be possible when I felt so hot and feverish? I want to try and touch someone who claims that he/she feels hot but is actually really cold! I'm not sure whether you readers are getting me, 'cause I sure feel rather confused. I have a feeling that this is going to be a really long post. If you haven't given up reading, good for you, sure get A++++ for patience.

And there is the school Carnivel! I am helping in the promotion for PPS. Actually, I was only helping because I thought I might have nothing to do, since our class was doing nothing (besides talking about selling live ayam) and Shepard's friends were coming and Yi Ling's friends were coming and Zhi Xin was helping in both PPS and scout and Ngai was helping in PPS and Jia Hui was also helping elsewhere and Anita, Tiffany and Jensine were probably helping CF, so I was like, what am I going to do, and I went to help out the PPS. How was I to know that our class was going to do anything???  And the PPS are going to show three movies in the PPM, Inception, Om Bak 2 and Predators. I REALLY want to watch Inception, so I hope they put Inception as the first movie, 'cause I can't watch if it's from 11:30- 3:00, because I am on duty, and I don't know WHY I agreed to duty for so long??? Zhen shi bai lei...

Is there anything more to write about? So much has happened this week, and I can't quite remember what I was planning to write about in the beginning. my memory is getting worse and worse by the day, because it is being used more and more and I am worried that it is reaching it's limit. I wish there was a USB slot to download info into my head so I wouldn't have to remember all those useless facts that I will clean forget once I go up to form 4.

Yes, I remember something. If my friend is reading this right now, I hope she knows that it is she I am writing this to. Finding it hard to speak face to face, i resort to the underhand method of writing, but this is a modern way, writing on a blog, hehe... anyway, I don't advice this friend to forget, because it is impossible to forget. I ask her instead to treasure the happiness and learn from the sadness, and look to the future. Life is not easy, but we can still enjoy it, if we learn not to cling to the past and learn to look forward to what the future holds. No matter how much bitterness the past may hold, the future still holds sweetness, and pray it will last to the end...

I am still the same Jasmine, man. Do not expect me to go around spouting that sort of cheesy stuff in ordinary circumstances. I just wanted to get that of my chest because I really love my friends, all of them. I did not write that, some one else hacked into my blog.

Signing of, missing Facebook and starting to regret, CLQJasmine. (But for Germany I shall remain in my pitiful state until after PMR!!!)

The following is the story of my week in pictures, because I have trouble finding words to describe how I have felt =)

 

Some of them I put 'coz I like how they look, but some really made me think, yeah, I really felt like that...

It is so strange in this world. There are so many people, and yet one can feel lonely. What is this feeling? Is it a fear of being alone? Is it a longing for companionship? Is it actually a feeling or a description of isolation?Why do some people take joy in this thing called loneliness? In everyone's life there is a moment when one wants to be alone, in other words, be lonely. Why is it that one requires it yet hates it? The need not to be among people is sometimes so strong, it is like the air one breathes. One feels like dying, suffocating from lack of isolation. That is a fair description. Some people may not understand, but I do. I need to be alone sometimes, and sometimes people just don't understand this need. I didn't come into this world to be constantly in contact with the world. There must be another purpose to this life.